


hashtag just dysphoria things

by fucktimetravel (partlycharlie)



Series: not to be transphobic but i hate myself [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Genderfluid Character, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Luna Lovegood, chatfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-10-01 21:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17251706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partlycharlie/pseuds/fucktimetravel
Summary: [23:26] harry?:and it never fucking ends either, huh[23:26] harry?:you just keep on coming out[23:26] harry?:and over and over and over again(or: excerpts and extras fromgender? who is she? (they???))





	1. how did you know?

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! i would highly suggest reading gender (the first fic in this series) before this, as you're probably not going to understand a whole lot about what's happening :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :)
> 
> this chapter takes place before the prologue in the main fic
> 
> warnings for (brief, but frank) mention of female anatomy, description and discussion of gender dysphoria
> 
> hope you enjoy!
> 
> (this was supposed to be posted 5 days ago Oh Well)

**[MONDAY; 10.1.18]**

 

**_luna! (LunaLovegood), sumaya! (SumayaPotter)_ **

 

 **[19:23] sumaya!:** hey luna

 **[19:46] luna!:** hi sumaya! how are you?

 **[19:48] sumaya!:** im okay  
**[19:48] sumaya!:** :)  
**[19:48] sumaya!:** how are u?

 **[19:48] luna!:** i’m good!! i’m having a lovely day, so far - my father and i have just decided what plants we are going to develop for our garden next season, and i’m ever so excited to get started.

 **[19:49] sumaya!:** thats nice :)

 **[19:49] luna!:** yes, it is!  
**[19:49] luna!:** was there something you wanted to talk about?

 **[19:49] sumaya!:** kinda  
**[19:49] sumaya!:** nice to just talk with you, tho

 **[19:49] luna!:** and the same to you, sumaya!  
**[19:50] luna!:** what can i help you with?

 **[19:50] sumaya!:** uh  
**[19:50] sumaya!:** how did u know you were genderfluid?

 **[19:50] luna!:** ah.  
**[19:50] luna!:** well, as i’m sure you know, i used to have much longer hair than i do now.  
**[19:50] luna!:** one only has to look at my instagram or the pictures in my house to see it, in fact!  
**[19:51] luna!:** however, one day my father commented on the fact that, as of late, i had much more often been wearing my hair in a bun at the top of my head, rather than loose, as it usually is.  
**[19:51] luna!:** at first, i tried to brush it away with the idea that i had been painting much more those days - which was true - but i slowly started to realize that other things were occuring, generally at the same time, which pointed to something else.

 **[19:51] sumaya!:** oh  
**[19:51] sumaya!:** like what

 **[19:51] luna!:** well.  
**[19:52] luna!:** for one, i had started more and more to steal my father’s shirts, rather than wearing my own. while theoretically this could be blamed, once again, on my new hobby, i soon realized that it was because the larger size of my father’s shirts hid my (admittedly small) breasts.

 **[19:52] sumaya!:** oh shit

 **[19:52] luna!:** in addition, i also had almost entirely stopped my practice of masturbation - which was mainly used as a stress relief, at any rate, but was still helpful - because i didn’t like to acknowledge the fact that i had a vagina.

 **[19:53] sumaya!:** oh

 **[19:53] luna!:** all of these factors combined led me to the internet, where i researched the feelings and thoughts that i was having.  
**[19:53] luna!:** originally, the results i found on the internet led me to believe that i was fully transgender! however, when i started to think about it more, i realized that there were times where i felt more like a girl than a boy - where i didn’t mind my long hair, or my breasts.  
**[19:53] luna!:** so i looked online again, and found the term genderfluid! i thought - and still do think - the term fit me, so i ended up using it. :)

 **[19:54] sumaya!:** shit yeah  
**[19:54] sumaya!:** huh  
**[19:54] sumaya!:** yeah okay

 **[19:54] luna!:** is everything alright?  
**[19:54] luna!:** have i been able to help you?

 **[19:54] sumaya!:** yeah  
**[19:55] sumaya!:** thanks luna

 **[19:55] luna!:** of course! i am glad to have been able to help you. :)


	2. it's never going to end, is it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> charlie, trying too hard, and a quiet breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :')
> 
> there will probably be more but this is all i have for now which is why it's marked as complete
> 
> let me know if anything's wrong andor if you have questions andor if you liked it or not!!

**[MONDAY; 10.22.18]**

 

**_CharlieWeasley, SumayaPotter_ **

 

 **[17:45] SumayaPotter:** hey charlie?

 **[18:25] CharlieWeasley:** Hi Sumaya!  
**[18:25] CharlieWeasley:** It’s been a while since we talked, huh?  
**[18:25] CharlieWeasley:** How are you?

 **[18:28] SumayaPotter:** oh, i’m good!

 _[_ ** _SumayaPotter_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_sumaya_** _]_ _  
_ _[_ ** _SumayaPotter_ ** _changed_ **_CharlieWeasley_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_charlie_** _]_

 **[18:28] sumaya:** sorry it was bothering me lmao

 **[18:29] charlie:** No worries! Lol

 **[18:29] sumaya:** yeah college stuff is coming up soon so that’s kind of wack but otherwise i’m okay!!  
**[18:29] sumaya:** how about you?

 **[18:30] charlie:** Pretty awesome, actually!  
**[18:30] charlie:** A couple of days ago, I found a group of lizard babies.  
**[18:30] charlie:** It had looked like they’d been abandoned by their parent - possibly having been chased away by a predator, or something like that.

 **[18:30] sumaya:** :(

 **[18:30] charlie:** Ha, yeah. That was my reaction, too.  
**[18:30] charlie:** But! Today I figured out what species they are, so now I can feed them the proper nutrients they need.

 **[18:32] sumaya:** oh!!!! that’s good

 **[18:32] charlie:** Yeah :)  
**[18:32] charlie:** Was there any particular reason you texted me?  
**[18:32] charlie:** I’m always happy to talk to you, of course, but is anything wrong?

 **[18:32] sumaya:** oh!!! yeah  
**[18:32] sumaya:** i mean nothing’s wrong in particular but i just wanted to talk to you about something

 **[18:33] charlie:** Of course! You can talk to me about anything :)  
**[18:33] charlie:** What’s up?

 **[18:34] sumaya:** so  
**[18:34] sumaya:** i hope you don’t mind  
**[18:34] sumaya:** but fred and george told me about  
**[18:34] sumaya:** um  
**[18:34] sumaya:** how you’re trans?

 **[18:36] charlie:** Oh.  
**[18:37] charlie:** Yeah.  
**[18:37] charlie:** Is that  
**[18:37] charlie:** Is that a problem?

 **[18:37] sumaya:** no!!!!! no. no.  
**[18:37] sumaya:** it’s just  
**[18:37] sumaya:** i think i’m also?  
**[18:37] sumaya:** trans.

 **[18:37] charlie:** Oh!  
**[18:37] charlie:** Yeah!  
**[18:38] charlie:** That’s awesome! I’m really glad you discovered that.  
**[18:38] charlie:** So do you have a new name? What about pronouns?  
**[18:38] charlie:** How many people have you come out to?  
**[18:38] charlie:** How does it feel?

 **[18:39] sumaya:** oh um

 **[18:39] charlie:** Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.  
**[18:39] charlie:** That must’ve felt kind of overwhelming, I’m sorry.

 **[18:39] sumaya:** yeah  
**[18:39] sumaya:** it’s okay though  
**[18:40] sumaya:** i’m going by harry now, i think?  
**[18:40] sumaya:** not officially i’m not really out to a lot of people yet but. yeah  
**[18:40] sumaya:** and i’m trying out they/them pronouns

 **[18:41] charlie:** Okay, cool!  
**[18:41] charlie:** Do you want to change your name in the chat?

 **[18:41] sumaya:** oh! uh.  
**[18:41] sumaya:** yeah.

 _[_ ** _sumaya_ ** _(_ ** _SumayaPotter_** _) changed their nickname to_ **_harry_** _]_

 **[18:42] harry:** :)

 **[18:42] charlie:** Awesome!

 **[18:42] harry:** :)

 

\---

 

**_luna! (LunaLovegood), harry? (SumayaPotter)_ **

 

 **[23:00] harry?:** luna

 **[23:21] luna!:** yes?

 **[23:21] harry?:** fuck. im so sad.

 **[23:21] luna!:** why?  
**[23:22] luna!:** is everything okay, harry?

 **[23:22] harry?:** yeah  
**[23:22] harry?:** yeah im fine  
**[23:22] harry?:** just  
**[23:22] harry?:** i wanted to tell ron so badly  
**[23:22] harry?:** but i remembered that i havent told him yet  
**[23:22] harry?:** and im so scared to  
**[23:22] harry?:** but then i realized  
**[23:22] harry?:** this is never going to end is it luna?  
**[23:22] harry?:** im always going to be scared  
**[23:23] harry?:** god i hate this

 **[23:23] luna!:** i’m so sorry, love.  
**[23:23] luna!:** i wish i could tell you it gets better, but.  
**[23:23] luna!:** honestly?

 **[23:23] harry?:** yeah

 **[23:23] luna!:** i’m still terrified every time i have to tell someone new.  
**[23:24] luna!:** and it never gets easier, really - there’s always that tiny little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this, this tiny little piece of myself, this is going to be the thing that makes them think i’m crazy.  
**[23:24] luna!:** but i can’t not tell them, because really it’s not such a tiny little piece, right? it’s so much more.  
**[23:25] luna!:** it’s such an important and integral part of me - so much so that i can feel it in my bones, like it was etched there - and each moment i keep it hidden within me feels like an eternity.

 **[23:25] harry?:** god  
**[23:25] harry?:** yeah  
**[23:26] harry?:** and it never fucking ends either, huh  
**[23:26] harry?:** you just keep on coming out  
**[23:26] harry?:** and over and over and over again  
**[23:26] harry?:** fuck

 **[23:26] luna!:** i’m so sorry, harry.  
**[23:27] luna!:** just -  
**[23:27] luna!:** i will always be here, okay?  
**[23:27] luna!:** no matter what.

 **[23:27] harry?:** yeah  
**[23:27] harry?:** me too luna  
**[23:28] harry?:** i know we’ve kind of been focused on me lately when we talk just bc im trying to figure this nb shit out but  
**[23:28] harry?:** yk that u can talk 2 me whenever right?  
**[23:28] harry?:** always, no matter what?

 **[23:29] luna!:** yes, harry, i know.

 **[23:29] harry?:** okay good  
**[23:29] harry?:** i love u

 **[23:30] luna!:** i love you too, harry.


End file.
